Susan

The emotional pain is intense. It really is intense, on both sides. Emotionally, you want to live: because you want to live, you want to be, and you want to be part of your family’s life. But you also realise that somebody’s going to die, in order for you to live.

The emotional pain was ‘Maybe tomorrow, maybe the phone will ring tomorrow, maybe I’ll be transplanted tomorrow.’ Post-transplant, I felt guilty for a long time. About the donor family, and the sacrifice that they had made for me to live. I mean – who am I? And why me? And, yes, I’d waited a long time, but there must have been somebody else more deserving. And I think a lot of transplant people probably feel that way post-transplant, because of the guilt that you feel about the fact that somebody else has passed. But there’s a real, you know, twinge of … I’m alive. It’s just such a big deal.